My fiancee and I have been dating for 2 years, last weekend we went on a snowboarding trip and he proposed. We both have children from previous relationships and were not really sure how to tell them. My kids are still in the lets try to get mom and dad back together stage, and i\’m not sure how to break the news to them. Should we tell them together, or should I tell them by myself. How should I tell them?
Are you saying that you\’ve been dating this man for two years and your children are not okay with you dating him? If so, then you\’ve been ignoring your children\’s feelings for two years. You put your feelings before theirs. If there is no working out the relationship with their father then you must sit down and explain that to them, but you cannot and should not be dating or remarrying if your children are not okay with it. I realize that it may seem unfair FOR YOU, but it cannot be about you because you have children, so it has to be about them. They are first priority. You cannot force them to accept your relationship nor can you risk staying in a relationship that they do not approve of. If you risk it, then you risk losing them. Would your rather lose a man or lose your children? You may think that you shouldn\’t have to choose, but you do, sweetie. Does it seem fair to you that in order for you to be "happy" your children have to be unhappy and be forced to live with someone they don\’t like? You hoping that they will eventually like him and in the mean time what? They have to be miserable? The children have to feel uncomfortable in their own home? In this situation it is not just about breaking the news to them, as if they don\’t have a choice in the matter (they do), it is about makiing sure they are okay with what you are thinking of doing. If you act as if they don\’t have a choice or manipulate them then you are the one being selfish and thinking only about yourself and your "loneliness.". And no the children will not just have to grin and bear it, get use to your new husband being around and hopefully get to like him, or the other solution that is often stated….the kids can move out when they are old enough and then they won\’t have to live with him. And in the mean time what? The bond/relationship between parent and children has been completely broken!! Why? Because the parent chose a man over her children, the parent forced the children to live with someone they don\’t like (regardless of the reasons why), the parent\’s actions indicated that her happiness and her relationship/sex life come before the children, and that the children\’s feelings and comfort don\’t matter as much as hers do. Actions speak louder than words in these situations. Also, please don\’t manipulate them them into agreeing with you…as in "Don\’t you want me Mommy to be happy?" psychologically that is one of the worse things you can do to kids because then they feel guilty about telling you how they really feel and keep those feelings bottled up for you. Children are not suppose to sacrifice themselves for their parents, it\’s suppose to be the other way around. Children don’t always tell you what they think and exactly how they feel because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or have you be angry at them, but in the end they grow up resenting that they had to keep all those feelings hidden FOR YOU. That resentment grows into anger…towards you. You do not want that, I\’m sure.
How To Date Younger Women, Part One
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tell them by urself and then like a day later bring both of u into talk to them like a family both sets of children too
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Definitely tell them by yourself! And you need to explain to them that there is no way you and their father will be getting back together with them. Be open and honest… Tell them that they need to be open and honest with you too. And ask them if they’re okay with it because if they aren’t you don’t want them to be keeping that from you… That’ll just bring resentment later on down the line.
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Just tell them something like "I know you were hoping your father and I (mother and I for the man) would get back together, but the man I love now proposed to me and I said yes"
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Trust me tell them by yourself!! There is no easy way. when my dad told me he was getting married, it was the hardest thing in the world. Your kids are going to feel pretty awful, Everybody acts different. But trust me they will get it and forgive in time. Just sit them down and just say you love them and you wouldn’t do anything to hurt them, that you love him very much and he is good. Tell them there is no way you and your ex are getting back together. you have to be honest with them. And even if you want to get married right away the best thing for the kids is to take time, you dont want them to resent you later on. The best thing is that they understand that you love them, and you will take time with this big change. But after its been a few days and they still look pretty sad dont keep asking them if they are ok, tell the if they need to talk your always there. The worst thing is if you keep nagging at them. Dont worry, your doing the right thing! Just be honest, and take time. tell them you love them so much and they are your first priority. Good Luck! (:
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Me- has happend to me twice.
Are you saying that you’ve been dating this man for two years and your children are not okay with you dating him? If so, then you’ve been ignoring your children’s feelings for two years. You put your feelings before theirs. If there is no working out the relationship with their father then you must sit down and explain that to them, but you cannot and should not be dating or remarrying if your children are not okay with it. I realize that it may seem unfair FOR YOU, but it cannot be about you because you have children, so it has to be about them. They are first priority. You cannot force them to accept your relationship nor can you risk staying in a relationship that they do not approve of. If you risk it, then you risk losing them. Would your rather lose a man or lose your children? You may think that you shouldn’t have to choose, but you do, sweetie. Does it seem fair to you that in order for you to be "happy" your children have to be unhappy and be forced to live with someone they don’t like? You hoping that they will eventually like him and in the mean time what? They have to be miserable? The children have to feel uncomfortable in their own home? In this situation it is not just about breaking the news to them, as if they don’t have a choice in the matter (they do), it is about makiing sure they are okay with what you are thinking of doing. If you act as if they don’t have a choice or manipulate them then you are the one being selfish and thinking only about yourself and your "loneliness.". And no the children will not just have to grin and bear it, get use to your new husband being around and hopefully get to like him, or the other solution that is often stated….the kids can move out when they are old enough and then they won’t have to live with him. And in the mean time what? The bond/relationship between parent and children has been completely broken!! Why? Because the parent chose a man over her children, the parent forced the children to live with someone they don’t like (regardless of the reasons why), the parent’s actions indicated that her happiness and her relationship/sex life come before the children, and that the children’s feelings and comfort don’t matter as much as hers do. Actions speak louder than words in these situations. Also, please don’t manipulate them them into agreeing with you…as in "Don’t you want me Mommy to be happy?" psychologically that is one of the worse things you can do to kids because then they feel guilty about telling you how they really feel and keep those feelings bottled up for you. Children are not suppose to sacrifice themselves for their parents, it’s suppose to be the other way around. Children don’t always tell you what they think and exactly how they feel because they don’t want to hurt your feelings or have you be angry at them, but in the end they grow up resenting that they had to keep all those feelings hidden FOR YOU. That resentment grows into anger…towards you. You do not want that, I’m sure.
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