One of my friends used to date this guy whose life was going in the wrong direction (drinking, pot etc). Within about a year, she\’d turned him around completely. He started working out, quit smoking and drinking, started taking pride in his appearance, got circumcised, shaved his head, pierced his ears etc – you get the picture.
Can most people who are going down the wrong path be turned back like this?
My teacher in high school explained it pretty simply once.
Imagine the person you\’re trying to change is standing on the ground and you\’re standing on a chair. Try picking that person up and bringing them up to your level. It isn\’t easy. Now let that person try to pull you down to their level. Significantly easier.
The lesson is that while it\’s good to help people and try to turn their life around, it\’s a lot easier for that person to drag you down and turn your life in the opposite direction.
What happened with your friend is the exception not the rule.
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It depends on whether or not the person wants to sort themselves out or not. If they do, then encouragement from a partner certainly will help.
It sounds to me like the guy you’re talking about DID want to improve himself. The changes he made to his appearance, particularly his circumcision, suggest this. All credit to your friend for helping him to make these changes.
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Believe me when I say that no one can change anyone but oneself. I can’t count the relationships I’ve seen where one of the partners accepted the other with the goal of changing her/him. It doesn’t work. If your friend’s friend changed, it was of his own doing. Don’t let yourself in for all that misery and pain.
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I’m old. Really old.
Yes. As long as they haven’t spiralled too far down the track and say for instance got schizophrenia from marijuana. But it also depends on the way you go about it and the reason why they started in the first place. But also it’s different because it was his girlfriend that changed him. It was love that brought him back. I saw that happen to a friend of mine as well. Her boyfriend was smoking coke. He stopped because he loves her. Although he’s still smoking tobacco. But ultimately it can onely be themselves who can change themselves. No matter how hard you try.
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anyone should have some luck to find someone to comfort his/her life…its all about what you want in your life & how you get it…
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umm, how is not being circumsized going down the wrong path? that was his parents decision to not do that at birth. and how is not having pierced ears going down the wrong path? and why did they break up since you said she used to date him. i guess he did turn his life around when he dumped your friend. good for him that he could do better than your friend.
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It all depends on how entrenched they are in that life style and how stubborn they against change.
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My teacher in high school explained it pretty simply once.
Imagine the person you’re trying to change is standing on the ground and you’re standing on a chair. Try picking that person up and bringing them up to your level. It isn’t easy. Now let that person try to pull you down to their level. Significantly easier.
The lesson is that while it’s good to help people and try to turn their life around, it’s a lot easier for that person to drag you down and turn your life in the opposite direction.
What happened with your friend is the exception not the rule.
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It’s not very easy at all! Usually a person themself will want to change their lives. It’s like leading a horse to water but you cannot make the horse drink the water.. The same w/ your friend. You can try to lead them to a better life but it’s up to them to accept it.
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yes it is very easy some of these people are in to dirty arts because they are lonely and no one shows them love they feel hated by other people. why some go in to drugs and drinking because life is too good (rosy) for them and they are too rich.
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